27 May Feeling Like a Fraud: Understanding the Imposter Syndrome
“To be honest, I’m unnerved by the glowing reviews I’ve gotten. Yeah, I busted my ass for the last 20 years, trying to establish myself as a photographer, but it’s terrifying to have people tell me I’ve ‘become’ what I’ve always wanted to ‘be.’ It doesn’t feel real. I don’t feel real. I think I suffer from…what’s that thing you write about in your book?”
The “thing” my patient felt, but couldn’t articulate, is a psychological phenomenon known as imposter syndrome or the imposter phenomenon. It’s a term that was first developed by clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes to describe a persistent feeling among successful women that, in spite of any successes they experience, deep in their core they remain “not intelligent, capable, or creative.” The “high-achieving women” who Clance and Imes observed as patients over extended periods of time remained “motivated to achieve,” but at the same time lived in fear of being “found out or exposed as frauds.”
Although imposter syndrome is not officially recognized by the DSM-5 as an official clinical diagnosis, a growing number of psychologists and other mental health professionals report encountering it time and time again—and not just among women. Professionals increasingly detail that “imposter phenomenon” occurs across gender, race, and socio-economic class, and may be affecting approximately 70% of the general population. This pattern of thinking and feeling about the self has become so highly prevalent that while I first understood it to affect patients who were struggling under the weight of their own achievements and aspirations, I’ve come to see many aspects of the phenomenon affect a broader number of my patients. Imposter syndrome seems to affect people who start seeing a therapist for everything from anxiety and depression to general feelings of dissatisfaction. People who feel “stuck” in their lives, as well as those with great potential but who can’t quite get it together to pursue their dreams, all suffer from it in equal measure to those who “have it all” but still report feeling “fake.”
Why We Feel, Fake
Imposter syndrome manifests consciously and unconsciously as a result of messages people internalize along their developmental path. Because these messages come from the people, feelings, and conditioning that we experience over time, imposter syndrome impacts women and people of color more perniciously. Both gender and racial inequality have contributed to people internalizing messages that include that they are “unworthy,” “undeserving,” and “incapable” of success. Over time, when people are marginalized, negative messaging takes root as beliefs people hold about themselves; later, those unconscious beliefs can manifest as limiting and destructive behaviors.
The net result is that imposter syndrome constrains a person’s ability to enjoy peace of mind, claim their rightful place in the world, and see their own value. By “hijacking” a person’s sense of self, imposter syndrome leads people to operate from a place of deficiency rather than abundance. Living through their weaknesses instead of their strengths, people encounter ongoing roadblocks that sabotage relationships, prevent plans, and detract from fulfillment.
Some common signs of imposter syndrome include:
1. Having nightmares of being unprepared and shamed: Chances are that if you’ve ever had a dream where you show up naked for class, or find it’s time for an exam for which you’re totally unprepared, you feel like an imposter. Dreams that make us feel full of shame or deficient in some way are triggered by our own unresolved emotions.
2. Finding it difficult to accept and hold a compliment: Accepting compliments with grace is easy to do when you feel secure with yourself. However, when people feel insecure their identity, they are more likely to feel uncomfortable with attention of any kind and compulsively discount or throw away a compliment.
3. Feeling success is a function of luck rather than talent: When people attain success of any kind, it’s common to express gratitude for the circumstances that supported a positive outcome. People who feel like imposters are quick to discount and discard their hard work, innate talent, grit, and resilience. In fact, many people with imposter syndrome find it impossible to see how they contributed to their own goals or successes, and just explain it all away as “dumb luck” or being in the “right place at the right time.”
4. Deflecting success on to someone or something else: Humility and graciousness are important, but so is owning one’s accomplishments. Success doesn’t occur in a vacuum, but people suffering with imposter syndrome often severely disregard their own hard work or talent. When you feel like an imposter, if it wasn’t just luck that helped along the way, then other people have to be responsible for your successes.
5. Rejecting professional labels: It can feel weighty and validating to be a well-respected executive, lawyer, doctor, photographer, author, or designer. When people feel like imposters though, the weight is more than they can bear. Like the patient I referred to at the beginning of this blog, people often struggle with the titles they’ve worked so hard to attain.
6. Criticizing external markers of success: A humble approach can be taken too far, and a person who feels like an imposter may criticize any decision or action that leads to socially accepted markers of success. It’s not uncommon for people with imposter syndrome to criticize commercial success as “selling out” or reject validation of any to maintain “integrity.”
7. Self-sabotaging success: When it counts the most, people who feel like imposters often can’t deliver results. They might call out sick, tell of an emergency obligation, or otherwise be a no-show. Why? Their unconscious over-rides their conscious intent to do the right thing or demonstrate their talents, so they blow up or abandon the opportunity they’ve been given to prove their worth, value, and competency.
It’s important to recognize that people who feel like imposters are profoundly influenced by their unconscious. For this reason, recovery from imposter syndrome requires a deep and holistic dive into the three levels of our human existence. These include the socio-cultural, the interpersonal, and the intrapersonal aspects of our being.
The Socio-Cultural, Healed:
First, we must understand the messages we’ve internalized by the dominant culture in which we live, as well as those we’ve internalized from our families of origin. For minorities and disenfranchised people, who have historically been stigmatized, marginalized, dehumanized, and traumatized at every step along their developmental path, this healing work is critically important and challenging. When we’ve internalized negative messages about the color of our skin, who we love, what God we worship, or our sex and gender, we grow into people who think less of themselves. Healing starts when we identify the patterns, and it grows when we can articulate the messages we’ve internalized; when we can crawl out from under the weight of harmful conditioning and stereotyping, we can embrace self-actualization.
The Interpersonal, Redefined:
Once we truly feel like ourselves, our healing shifts to our interactions with others. The second area we need to explore is the geography of our interpersonal relationships. We need to spend time mapping out what we learned from our families of origin about success: what it means, what it costs, what it looks like, and who is entitled to it. In addition to taking a historical look at these messages, we need to evaluate our current relationships. Many individuals who suffer from imposter syndrome have relationships with people who are threatened by their success, so they both actively and passively work to sabotage it. Understanding how other people, feeling threatened, have conditioned and sabotaged our own sense of self, is a crucial part of breaking the cycle of imposter syndrome.
The Intrapersonal, Embraced:
Finally, we need to dig deep to uncover what motivates us and makes us feel like a person of value who is worthy of being seen and heard. The best way to do this intrapersonal work is in partnership with someone safe and compassionate—a person you trust and with whom you can be strategically vulnerable. To get started, I often ask my patients to tackle a simple, but powerful, exercise that kickstarts this stage of work. By sitting down and documenting what’s important to us, we begin to redefine ourselves.
Try this exercise now by answering the following:
1. Success means the following three things to me:
a. ___
b. ___
c. ___
2. I’m limited in attaining these three things because:
a. ___
b. ___
c. ___
3. To be successful I need the following three things to occur:
a. ___
b. ___
c. ___
4. The personal traits that will support my success are:
a. ___
b. ___
c. ___
Whenever we embark on the process of healing, it’s important to pay attention to any feelings of resistance that arise. If you suddenly hear yourself discounting the process as “stupid,” “worthless,” “a waste of time,” or “sophomoric,” then take a moment to recognize that’s the voice of the imposter syndrome speaking. The part of you that’s been diminished, ignored, and mistreated in the past is trying to get in the way because a part of you feels that you’re not worthy of success. Instead of listening, push through. While the work is time consuming and can at times bring up painful memories, it’s worth it. Through it, you’ll be able to identify and banish the most pernicious and self-defeating messages holding you back, and you’ll be able to build a foundation upon which your success can flourish.
No Comments